I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
