we're blogging at a bar
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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