I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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