u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
