do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
