Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
