Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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