Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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