How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
