im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
