Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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