One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Let's get the cat blown out
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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