I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
