Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
