Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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