I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
