I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
