i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
