When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
