this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
