Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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