The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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