I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
