the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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