It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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