everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
