so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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