You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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