somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
