So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
