Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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