Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
