You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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