Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
