i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
