WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your cock deserves a montage
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
