Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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