Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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