nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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