I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
