Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
