in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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