he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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