I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
