I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
