Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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