dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
17 year olds will be the death of me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
