oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
