Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
