My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
