It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
