I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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