remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
